[ But he falls silent as quickly as he opens his mouth. There's really no way for him to explain what he wants. Not only because it's so horribly complicated, but because he's terrified to speak it into reality.
It's easier to pretend Alhaitham is the villain, not because it makes him feel better about himself, but because it makes him feel better about pushing him away, putting walls between them— something he's only doing in the first place so that the other can't do it to him first. Because why wouldn't he? He makes no secret of how he feels about Kaveh's everything that elder of the two already struggles to understand why he keeps him around as it is. Alhaitham knows all his flaws, understands him better than anyone else, so—
Kaveh takes a step back, out of the other's touch, his palms lifting to rub at his own cheeks as if to erase not only his tears but the lingering sensation of care.
It's okay. It's okay if Alhaitham is ready to reject him finally. He's ready for it. He can take it. It's better than letting him get close and losing him. Isn't it?
(He can't lose anyone else. Not like that.) ]
It doesn't matter what I want. It was stupid of me to think about it anyway. Sorry for bothering you. I think I might just... I'll just go down to Lambad's and have a drink or two. You don't have to worry about me, okay?
[ Another step back. Something about their conversation, the question, the other's gentle touch, all of it combined— it activates his instinct to run. ]
no subject
[ But he falls silent as quickly as he opens his mouth. There's really no way for him to explain what he wants. Not only because it's so horribly complicated, but because he's terrified to speak it into reality.
It's easier to pretend Alhaitham is the villain, not because it makes him feel better about himself, but because it makes him feel better about pushing him away, putting walls between them— something he's only doing in the first place so that the other can't do it to him first. Because why wouldn't he? He makes no secret of how he feels about Kaveh's everything that elder of the two already struggles to understand why he keeps him around as it is. Alhaitham knows all his flaws, understands him better than anyone else, so—
Kaveh takes a step back, out of the other's touch, his palms lifting to rub at his own cheeks as if to erase not only his tears but the lingering sensation of care.
It's okay. It's okay if Alhaitham is ready to reject him finally. He's ready for it. He can take it. It's better than letting him get close and losing him. Isn't it?
(He can't lose anyone else. Not like that.) ]
It doesn't matter what I want. It was stupid of me to think about it anyway. Sorry for bothering you. I think I might just... I'll just go down to Lambad's and have a drink or two. You don't have to worry about me, okay?
[ Another step back. Something about their conversation, the question, the other's gentle touch, all of it combined— it activates his instinct to run. ]
Sorry.