[ Kaveh truly isn't sure what he's expecting from Alhaitham when he starts to back away. Silence, perhaps. Acceptance. That same stoic expression that plagues him day in and day out, concealing the depths of what the other man might possibly be feeling.
It's not the hand that reaches out to pull him in closer, the visible concern on his features, the please before the younger man pulls him in closer, all but cradles him. Kaveh's eyes widen, his own arms still at his own sides, momentarily paralyzed by the shock and indecision. Like this, there's no way Alhaitham can't feel the way he trembles, the way that fresh tears cut down his cheeks as his eyes close, seeping into the other's shirt.
But like this, he feelsโ
God, how is he meant to run away from this?
I'm sorry, Alhaitham says, and Kaveh's reasonably sure his heart does something funny in his chest, impossibilities aside. And after a moment, his own arms lift, circling Alhaitham's waist, holding him just as close in return. ]
You don'tโ no, it was my fault.
[ Now, it's his turn to say something he's never said, at least to Alhaitham. Painting the other as the bad guy in his mind has always meant he can't take the blame, and yet now he feels he has to, feels it's the only way through this situation whenโ
He doesn't want to lose him. Not even on his own terms, the way he's always decided to. Not when it feels like this. And maybe that means he gets hurt later but it can't be worse than this, right? Than the hollow ache in his chest, the fear lancing his gut and striking his spine...
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It's not the hand that reaches out to pull him in closer, the visible concern on his features, the please before the younger man pulls him in closer, all but cradles him. Kaveh's eyes widen, his own arms still at his own sides, momentarily paralyzed by the shock and indecision. Like this, there's no way Alhaitham can't feel the way he trembles, the way that fresh tears cut down his cheeks as his eyes close, seeping into the other's shirt.
But like this, he feelsโ
God, how is he meant to run away from this?
I'm sorry, Alhaitham says, and Kaveh's reasonably sure his heart does something funny in his chest, impossibilities aside. And after a moment, his own arms lift, circling Alhaitham's waist, holding him just as close in return. ]
You don'tโ no, it was my fault.
[ Now, it's his turn to say something he's never said, at least to Alhaitham. Painting the other as the bad guy in his mind has always meant he can't take the blame, and yet now he feels he has to, feels it's the only way through this situation whenโ
He doesn't want to lose him. Not even on his own terms, the way he's always decided to. Not when it feels like this. And maybe that means he gets hurt later but it can't be worse than this, right? Than the hollow ache in his chest, the fear lancing his gut and striking his spine...
Archons, but what if it's worse? ]