[ the truth of the matter is - kaveh has always needed more than alhaitham. it had been kaveh who had looked at their struggling compatriots dragging behind in their shared project, and had needed to reach out his hand to drag them from the mire. it had been kaveh who needed to spend his days and nights completing work from those not capable of completing it themselves, only to watch them walk away one after another. it had been kaveh who needed more than what others were capable of giving. it had always been kaveh - kaveh, kaveh, kaveh - who reached out with red-stained hands and watched as what he needed slip from his grasp.
it had always seemed to alhaitham that kaveh's problem is that he is not as kind as he wishes to be, but kinder than he thinks he is. he is also incapable of applying either traits to himself. it had been that way years ago, when kaveh, having stripped himself raw, had said to alhaitham this is what i need, when in reality he should have said this is what i want. therein lies the tragedy of it all, for in an universe where what was needed was said, alhaitham would have yielded. in no universe would have stood in the way of kaveh's singular pursuit for something his heart desired. but that universe never came to be, and so today cycles back along its tracks, to kaveh with his back to alhaitham, his fingers stained red with pomegranate, and alhaitham sitting there, watching, waiting.
kaveh, who cannot permit himself to want without guilt. alhaitham, who has never allowed him to need beyond reason.
tonight, alhaitham thinks- and says, into the brimming, waiting hush: ]
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it had always seemed to alhaitham that kaveh's problem is that he is not as kind as he wishes to be, but kinder than he thinks he is. he is also incapable of applying either traits to himself. it had been that way years ago, when kaveh, having stripped himself raw, had said to alhaitham this is what i need, when in reality he should have said this is what i want. therein lies the tragedy of it all, for in an universe where what was needed was said, alhaitham would have yielded. in no universe would have stood in the way of kaveh's singular pursuit for something his heart desired. but that universe never came to be, and so today cycles back along its tracks, to kaveh with his back to alhaitham, his fingers stained red with pomegranate, and alhaitham sitting there, watching, waiting.
kaveh, who cannot permit himself to want without guilt. alhaitham, who has never allowed him to need beyond reason.
tonight, alhaitham thinks- and says, into the brimming, waiting hush: ]
Is this what you want, Kaveh?