𝒪𝓅𝑒𝓃 𝓅𝑜𝓈𝓉 🏛️

[indigently]

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action • text • canon • cross-canon • assumed cr

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[veardant]

[ it will take time - time, and discipline - for kaveh to really think it through and settle onto the logical answer here, the knowledge that of course it wasn't his fault. who would blame a child for encouraging their father? how many times had tighnari done the same, urging his own parents to bring him gifts and souvenirs from their travels? it could very easily have happened to him as well, he was simply fortunate that it didn't.

but kaveh has years of self-blame to undo, and it won't be done in a single night, but over many weeks, months, perhaps years. yet tighnari will help him all the way, will always be there to guide him and support him up and sternly chastise him when it's needed. and even still, for as painful as it has been, this night certainly feels like a breakthrough, as if the festering abscess in kaveh's heart has finally been ruptured, spilling its sick infection so the wound can at last be properly cleaned. ]

Yes. One step at a time.

[ and so tighnari helps kaveh from the bath, helps him to dry off and wick the moisture from his hair, not because kaveh can't do it himself, but because tighnari wants to be there for him, every moment. once kaveh is dry, tighnari hands him an oversized robe to wrap into. it's a little bit short for him, but it should still fit comfortably. ]

Okay. Let's get some tea into you.

[indigently]

[ One step at a time, Tighnari says, and Kaveh hates how right now even that sounds hard, how the thought of putting one foot in front of the other feels like it could drown him. But he doesn't say that; instead, he climbs from the bath like he's meant to, stands in silence as his friend works the water from his hair, his breath unsteady, but gradually slowing.

Dazed eyes search Tighnari's face though as Kaveh slips into the robe, something in them that isn't entirely comprehending of what's been said. ] Tea, [ he mumbles. That soft, confused gaze slips to the cup on the rim of the tub. ] Didn't I just—

[ For a wild second, he wonders if he's finally snapped, if the last of his reason has shattered and left him imagining things that never happened. The panic tries to seize his heart again, and Kaveh chokes back a gasp. His eyes flick back to Tighnari, though, and there's kindness in his friend's face, something that grounds him, brings him back to reality even in the midst of the panic. His breathing continues to slow despite the troubled expression on his face, and instead of assuming, he asks. ]

Didn't I just drink tea?

[veardant]

[ tighnari smiles. ]

Different tea. A concoction for your nerves.

[ nothing so strong or dangerous or debilitating as alcohol, but it will help nonetheless. once kaveh is in his robe, tighnari leads him out of the washroom again and back into the main living area, where he slips his hand into kaveh's to tug him toward the bed. it's soft, and very inviting, packed with pillows and a thick blanket. ]

Sit, and rest, while I whip something up for you.

[indigently]

Oh.

[ Yeah, that makes sense. Kaveh nods, letting Tighnari lead him out to the living area and tug him over to the bed. Another nod when his friend tells him to sit and rest, and then he curls up into the blanket and pillows, not just sitting but almost lying, absorbing the small comforts for what they are.

It's not his fault, Tighnari says, that his father died— he was just a kid, doing what little kids do— and Kaveh knows how easy it would be to say those words to someone else, even as he fails to forgive himself. Why can't he forgive himself—

He can feel the panic welling up again and bites down on his lip, fingers clenching into the blanket as he tries to calm himself down.

Breathe in. Breathe out. ]

[veardant]

[ it doesn't take tighnari long to do his work, to fish out the correct herbs and get the water boiling, and soon enough the tea is steeping, its medicinal scent filling the small hut. while he waits for it to fully infuse, tighnari moves to kaveh's side again, and pulls the blankets up over his body.

a warm smile curves his mouth, and he reaches to brush the hair from kaveh's eyes. ]

I'm proud of you. For telling me. I know it wasn't easy.

[ like as not it was one of the most difficult things kaveh has done in a long time. ]

[indigently]

[ The scent filling the hut is already calming, not to mention the fingers gently brushing through his hair once the blankets are pulled over him. Along with Tighnari's voice, they help battle against the panic trying to resurface, quieten it until he can offer a weak smile in return, nod at the other through blurry crimson eyes. ]

I— No one else knows, [ he says eventually, the words thick on his tongue, something soft and pleading in the cadence of his words. ] Only Alhaitham and— and now you.

[ The rest, unspoken: Please don't tell anyone. ]

[veardant]

[ tighnari's lips form a thin line. of course he won't tell anyone if that's what kaveh wishes, but.. he still hopes that a time will come when kaveh is not ashamed of these facts anymore, a time that he knows and understands full well that none of this is his fault. it never has been, and it never will be. ]

I understand.

[ he says, and draws away to collect and strain the tea, which has finished steeping by now. carrying it back, tighnari sits at the edge of the bed and hands it down. ]

This will help. I'll prepare a concentrated tincture that'll be easier to take. Get some sleep, Kaveh.

[indigently]

Thanks.

[ It's barely even a whisper. He can see from the thin line of Tighnari's lips that it's not what the other wants from him, but he can't bring himself to promise anything else right now, not when he is barely holding himself together as it is.

And then his friend leaves, and comes back with the tea, and Kaveh can only say the same word again. He sips at it quietly, eyes low, nodding. ]

Yeah... I'll try.

[ When the tea is finished, he'll lie down and cocoon himself in the blankets, eyes closed, focusing on his breath.

Day Zero. ]