𝒪𝓅𝑒𝓃 𝓅𝑜𝓈𝓉 🏛️

[indigently]

OPEN POST

action • text • canon • cross-canon • assumed cr

Comments

2/2

[indigently]

On second thought, maybe you move the cushions away and then just... leave them to their own devices?

[ The couch, after all, is garish. It wouldn't be so bad if they lost that, Kaveh thinks. ]

we wouldn't want him any other way

[sapio]

Oh? I'm impressed that you're already preparing yourself to pick up after them.

idk he wants to send flurries of text messages all the time lol

[indigently]

[ On third thought— ]

You should at least help this time! You supplied the alcohol that got us in this situation after all...

[sapio]

At your request.

1/2

[indigently]

Right. Exactly. So we both have responsibility, which is why we should both clean up after!

[ Not that he expects such an argument to move Alhaitham. To the contrary, if he's honest with himself for even a second—

Ugh. Yeah. Letting them ruin the couch is not worth it. ]

New idea. What if you sit uncomfortably close to them and moan repeatedly and loudly?

2/2

[indigently]

Also if you do that, let me know so I can come watch.

[ It would be worth showing off the man-bun and the moisturizer. ]

[sapio]

I'm impressed. You had plenty of helpful options to pick from and you picked that one.

[indigently]

Do you have to be an asshole all the time?

If you have "plenty of helpful options" in mind, why ask me in the first place??

[sapio]

I asked a master craftsman. I think you can do better than me moaning by myself on a couch.

[indigently]

I did! Twice! It's hardly my fault that you didn't like them!

Also, on account of the above, I think it's high time you come up with an idea.

So? What've you got, genius?

[sapio]

Hm.

[He's thinking.]

I've heard spraying cats and dogs with water is a good way to separate them.

There's still a bottle of wine left.

[indigently]

...Please do not tell me you're thinking of spraying them with perfectly good wine.

We have water, Alhaitham!

[sapio]

Desperate times call for desperate measures.

1/2

[indigently]

Alhaitham don't you dare

2/2

[indigently]

That's GOOD WINE

[sapio]

I can always buy some more.

[indigently]

But why waste it when water would serve exactly the same purpose???

[sapio]

I would have to get up to get water.

[indigently]

[ Oh no. He's up against Alhaitham's sloth— never a good thing when he wants the scribe to do what he wants. He doesn't have a lot of options; and there's no way he's going back out there. Again: man-bun, moisturizer.

Hmm. ]

Wine will stain. And attract bugs.

[sapio]

[At this point, it's just a challenge to make Kaveh come out of the room, manbun and all.]

So it will have to be cleaned later.

[indigently]

[ He knows what Alhaitham is doing. He's pretty sure he knows what Alhaitham is doing. He hopes he knows what Alhaitham is doing.

(What if he's wrong?) ]

Alhaitham I swear to Lesser Lord Kusanali herself that if you spray wine all over the living room, I will not clean it up!!!

[sapio]

Of course, I won't.

[A beat.]

I'm pouring it, and only on top of those two.

[indigently]

[ With each second that passes, Kaveh's inner narrative becomes less and less confident, which in turn leads to him becoming less and less concerned with his appearance, and more and more to the mess that his jerk of a roommate is apparently about to make of the living room.

Alhaitham's text doesn't help, either— in fact, it does the opposite, and in a scant few seconds after sending it, the scribe will hear Kaveh's door slam open, the stomping of bare feet on the floorboards before the blonde bursts out of the hallway and into the living room— ]

Alhaitham—!!!

[ —where the silver-haired scribe is sitting, book in one hand and wine in the other, drinking and not throwing it everywhere like he had threatened to. Meanwhile, Tighnari and Cyno are still making out on the sofa, somehow undisturbed by the cacophony.

Kaveh's steps grind to a halt, and for a second he just stands there, looking between the pair and Alhaitham, lips working like a guppy's— and between the fact that his hair is piled on his head in a messy bun, the sheen of moisturizer on his face, and the fact that he's clad only in a pair of black, satin lounge pants, he probably looks insanely ridiculous— more so, as his brows crease over his ruby eyes in anger. ]

You...! You— you asshole!

[sapio]

[At this point, he's counting seconds. Nine, ten, eleven…

And there he is, in all his self-care glory.

Alhaitham's lip twitches.] How am I an asshole? I'm merely doing what you told me to do.

[indigently]

[ For a moment, Kaveh just stares at Alhaitham in irritated silence. In his mind, there is nothing about this image that is what he told the other man to do. He's not, at the very least, actually pouring or spraying the wine over the two on the couch—

Archons, he can hear the wet of their lips from here.

Kaveh reaches out, long fingers wrapping seamlessly around Alhaitham's wrist. ]

If we've given up on chasing them out, let's sit in my room and drink the rest of this together. I can't keep standing out here listening.

[ He can finish yelling at the other man anywhere, anyway. ]