𝒪𝓅𝑒𝓃 𝓅𝑜𝓈𝓉 🏛️

[indigently]

OPEN POST

action • text • canon • cross-canon • assumed cr

Comments

for @sapio

[indigently]

( from here, prompt 2 )

First of all: I'm already in bed. My hair is up and there's moisturizer on my face. If they are indeed making out on the couch still, that makes this a "you" problem, not an "us" problem.

[ For a moment, he considers leaving it at that— but that's practically inviting snark in reply, and son he continues: ]

The way I see it, you have a couple of options, and mostly involving destroying the mood so completely they have no choice but to give up. Personally, I recommend sitting next to them and reading in your best monotone voice from the dullest chapter of the dullest textbook you own.

[sapio]

You're assuming I haven't done that already.

I wouldn't be so sure it's a 'me' problem.

They are already knocking pillows down.

1/2 this is too early in the convo to hit you with double notifs but he's incorrigible I'm sorry

[indigently]

Ugh. Those pillows are nice, too! If they keep going this way, we'll have to replace them, and I seriously don't have the funds for that right now...

Could you try physically separating them? We both know you're not exactly the "feeble scholar" you make yourself out to be.

2/2

[indigently]

On second thought, maybe you move the cushions away and then just... leave them to their own devices?

[ The couch, after all, is garish. It wouldn't be so bad if they lost that, Kaveh thinks. ]

we wouldn't want him any other way

[sapio]

Oh? I'm impressed that you're already preparing yourself to pick up after them.

idk he wants to send flurries of text messages all the time lol

[indigently]

[ On third thought— ]

You should at least help this time! You supplied the alcohol that got us in this situation after all...

[sapio]

At your request.

1/2

[indigently]

Right. Exactly. So we both have responsibility, which is why we should both clean up after!

[ Not that he expects such an argument to move Alhaitham. To the contrary, if he's honest with himself for even a second—

Ugh. Yeah. Letting them ruin the couch is not worth it. ]

New idea. What if you sit uncomfortably close to them and moan repeatedly and loudly?

2/2

[indigently]

Also if you do that, let me know so I can come watch.

[ It would be worth showing off the man-bun and the moisturizer. ]

[sapio]

I'm impressed. You had plenty of helpful options to pick from and you picked that one.

[indigently]

Do you have to be an asshole all the time?

If you have "plenty of helpful options" in mind, why ask me in the first place??

[sapio]

I asked a master craftsman. I think you can do better than me moaning by myself on a couch.

[indigently]

I did! Twice! It's hardly my fault that you didn't like them!

Also, on account of the above, I think it's high time you come up with an idea.

So? What've you got, genius?

[sapio]

Hm.

[He's thinking.]

I've heard spraying cats and dogs with water is a good way to separate them.

There's still a bottle of wine left.

[indigently]

...Please do not tell me you're thinking of spraying them with perfectly good wine.

We have water, Alhaitham!

[sapio]

Desperate times call for desperate measures.

1/2

[indigently]

Alhaitham don't you dare

2/2

[indigently]

That's GOOD WINE

[sapio]

I can always buy some more.

[indigently]

But why waste it when water would serve exactly the same purpose???

[sapio]

I would have to get up to get water.

[indigently]

[ Oh no. He's up against Alhaitham's sloth— never a good thing when he wants the scribe to do what he wants. He doesn't have a lot of options; and there's no way he's going back out there. Again: man-bun, moisturizer.

Hmm. ]

Wine will stain. And attract bugs.

[sapio]

[At this point, it's just a challenge to make Kaveh come out of the room, manbun and all.]

So it will have to be cleaned later.

[indigently]

[ He knows what Alhaitham is doing. He's pretty sure he knows what Alhaitham is doing. He hopes he knows what Alhaitham is doing.

(What if he's wrong?) ]

Alhaitham I swear to Lesser Lord Kusanali herself that if you spray wine all over the living room, I will not clean it up!!!

[sapio]

Of course, I won't.

[A beat.]

I'm pouring it, and only on top of those two.